"I have made him sound like a monster, and in many ways he really is. At the same time, I have always seen a vulnerability in him, the small terrified hungry child (almost split-off from the rest of him) and I suppose this is why I tried so hard with him. I knew, almost intuitively, that while his (False) Ego was constantly swelling, his heart (True Ego) was starving…
I tried as hard as I could, in as many ways as I could, to feed the real person inside (and I believed there was a fragment of that person still alive, represented by the child). In a way, I think the violence of his reactions near the end was due to my coming so close, in arousing those ordinary needs. When he realised he has become dependent on me, and that I knew it, I think he just couldn't take it. He could not finally take the chance of trusting me.
It was an orgy of destruction. I keep thinking I could have handled it better, could and should have done things differently. Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference, but I will say that there was a real person in there somewhere, and a quite delightful one.
But as you pointed out, the narcissist would always prefer his invented self to the true one. I could not make him see that his real self was far more interesting and enchanting than his grotesque inflated grandiose superman construct. I think it is a tragic loss of a truly interesting and talented human being."
Han (eller hon) vill få beundran av alla för sitt falska jag. Äkta uppskattning av någon som ser hans sanna jag är hans fasa.
”Ständigt söker han bevis på andras uppskattning och beundran, men denna önskans uppfyllelse kan paradoxalt nog erfaras som ytterst obehaglig och till och med smärtsam. Det sker när uppskattningen är allvarligt menad och kommer nära, vilket river upp eller hotar att riva upp de ursprungliga såren av kärleksbrist med kärlekslängtan och omättliga behov av tröst som följd.”
Else-Britt Kjellquist Rött och vitt – om skam och skamlöshet
